Monday, July 30, 2007


Lately I've been wondering how am I to give back to the world. When I say "give back" I don’t just mean monetarily, but also creatively and in a humanist way. What kind of mark am I to leave in this world? Am I to leave a mark at all?

Something that I'd like to become a part of is micro lending. I heard about a few organizations that help people across the world start their own businesses and work their way out of poverty through the use of micro loans. I've been looking into Kiva as a way to contribute.

Creatively, I've been trying to write more. Mostly I've been writing private journal entries offline and I have yet to start on a book of writing exercises that I borrowed from the library for the purpose of getting back into the habit of writing. I do not know if through writing I will find my purpose in the world, but it's something that I have always felt would, but I don’t hold it as a given like I did when I was sixteen.

Some, but not all of this thinking was prompted by the discovery of a lump in my breast three weeks ago, for which I go this Friday for more tests to determine what it is. While I’ve read that 80% of lumps are benign, it brings out fear of the worst, fear that I don’t deserve it to be benign. It’s ridiculous and it’s a fear that I shouldn’t give much thought to or buy into in the slightest, but it’s still there, it’s a darkness I feel. I’m trying not to worry about it unless I end up having something to worry about. I’ve been doing a good job of that, but today, not so good.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

food porn

I just made some Indian food tonight and took some pictures (with the iphone of course). Saag paneer (spinach and cheese) and paratha (griddle bread). The paneer is store bought but it's not that hard to make it (if I get the recipe I will next time).


I currently don’t have a best friend. It’s something I think about pretty often. I miss having a best friend, a girl friend that knows all of my secrets and I know all of hers, comes over to hang out, go out to dinner or shop with, talk late on the phone about stuff. I’m not dissing the friends that I have. Anyone who is reading this is most likely my friend and you know that I love you but we're not each other's best friend. Most of my friends and I are no longer local.

Back at the turn of the century (I just love saying that), I had a great group of friends and we used to go out for dinner all the time and it just was such a highlight of my life to have these two friends to laugh and share stuff with and hang out with on an almost weekly basis. I thought it was a friendship that would last through all of our life changes. We were pretty tight and then, something happened. One moved out of the city the other quit her job, one started a family the other started her own business. Now, no one can commit to even meeting for dinner once a year. I remember the day that I looked at my shelf and saw that I had pictures of my friends and me together and it hit me how long ago they were taken. So I took them down. I know that we all still care about one another, consider one another friends, but the reality is we don’t know each other anymore.

I know things change, people start having families and priorities shift, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel alone and feel like I have no one to confide in. I think about moving back home to Florida, not because I have a strong desire to sweat and complain about how flat everything is down there, or how suburban it all is, but because at least my family is there, people who know me. If I feel alone I could just hop in the car and go visit my mom, my uncle or one of my many cousins who are in my age range. While I love NY, I often look around and wonder what's keeping me here. I don't have anything or anyone here. Why should I stay?

Ok, I know it sounds like I’m having a pity party but I’m not. I hardly ever talk about how lonely I feel. I keep myself busy with concerts and blind dates and hanging out with my coworkers after work and reading in the park and that’s great. But is it unrealistic to want a best friend at my age? Is it unrealistic to want close friends who live locally and can come over?

If one of you tells me that I should find something on Meet Up, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

It's toasted

Just watched an episode of Mad Men. I know a lot of people have fantasies of going back in time to a different era. I have always figured the early part of the 20th century was more my style. This show is based in the 1950s, a time when people drank alka-seltzer, women were secretaries, businessmen had bars in their offices and smoked everywhere. While I do enjoy Doris Day films, I have no fantasies of going back to this era, except maybe to eat at an Automat (but I could do that in the 30s and 40s just as well). There’s no fantasy here in this show, except if you’re a man perhaps, one who longs for the days when ad men were successful and ruled Madison ave, the Darren wannabes of the world. For a woman, it was a time of being called Honey, knowing your place is in front of a typewriter, that is until you landed a man, and then you quit the charade of a job and got on with the business of being a housewife and mother.

That isn’t to say that there aren’t any feminists in the show. I counted three headstrong women going against the flow, but there’s also the brutal reminder of how far women had yet to go in the 50s before we took being considered an equal for granted.

It’s a good show. I recommend watching it.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Some cool videos

Royskopp (caveman song)

Bat for Lashes

AIM: back on sporadically

Since my company bans any communication with the outside world except
via phone, I haven't logged into IM in a long time and consequently
that led me to stop using it at home too (I use gmail's chat feature
more often but that limits me to those who are also on gmail).

Today I found a great app for the phone so those of you still using
AIM you may see me on there as I pop in and out to check who's on. Say
hello when you can and I'll do the same!

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Bat for Lashes

Going to a show tonight a last minute decision but for $12, what
excuse could I come up with to not see this English band?

I'm also testing blogging from the phone. I've also tested Hopstop
which works pretty well on here too.

I'm at work, bored out of my mind. Say hello. :-)

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

iphone: day 3

I am still in love with my phone. I am still using it covertly under my desk at work. It is still the greatest piece of electronic equipment I own.

I had a realization: I was describing iphone and realized that the iphone is the equivalent to 1984's Macintosh. First, Apple completely changed the way people interacted with computers in 1984 with the completely revolutionary Macintosh that was so easy to use, so easy to understand and now with this incredible, simple, elegant piece of machinery, apple is changing how people interact with cell phones. This is the 2007 version of the Macintosh!

And in case you never saw the commercial that gave me goosebumps when at 11 years old I stood and stared at the TV, my mouth hanging open in complete astonishment and awareness, yes awareness, that this thing was going to be way cool and would forever turn me into a macAddict, a member of the iCult, here it is.

BTW, I still have my original Macintosh from 1984. It's in the storage unit downstairs. And it still works.

Monday, July 23, 2007


I don't know what possessed me to do it. I typically don't make rash decisions. It might have been David Pogue's video. Most likely I was desperate for email. Sunday afternoon, after some light shopping and a visit to the treats truck, I bought an iPhone.

It was so freaking easy. I walk up to an employee that's standing around, ask him if the phone is in stock, he gets the phone and right there in the middle of the store, he swipes my credit card with this portable reader, emails me my receipt and we're done. No time to squirm, no time to waffle, the phone is mine.

The phone is outrageous. It's the easiest cell phone I've used that has internet capabilities. It's so simple I don't have to read a manual. I have zero buyer's remorse. None.

My uncle, a fellow MacAddict, got the phone today. We're both screaming in excitement. While he's jazzed to show off the phone to everyone, I took it into work today and discreetly used it, making sure no one noticed. Why? I haven't bought a case yet and I'm keeping it snugged up in a lint free cloth in my bag. I don't want to bring it out and carry it around all naked since I tended to drop my old cell phone all the time. I also don't want it to get stolen. Once people know, that phone cannot leave my person. There's no leaving the phone in the bag once they know it's there.

The bright side of keeping my new toy under wraps is that I don't have to deal with people wanting to hold it. I'm so not letting anyone handle this thing.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

She's Back

Resurrection: a rising again, as from decay, disuse, etc.; revival.

It's time. I'm bringing back the blog. Why? Because I'm feeling creative and I'm feeling like sharing, communicating and most of all, writing. I'll experiment with different styles of writing in that there will be some posts that will (hopefully) read like a column, I'll comment on some current events or stuff on the internet, or I'll share stuff that's going on in my life, things that I wouldn't have a problem talking about IRL, but it's not going to be a diary.

I'm excited to try this again.