Sunday, July 29, 2007

BFF

I currently don’t have a best friend. It’s something I think about pretty often. I miss having a best friend, a girl friend that knows all of my secrets and I know all of hers, comes over to hang out, go out to dinner or shop with, talk late on the phone about stuff. I’m not dissing the friends that I have. Anyone who is reading this is most likely my friend and you know that I love you but we're not each other's best friend. Most of my friends and I are no longer local.

Back at the turn of the century (I just love saying that), I had a great group of friends and we used to go out for dinner all the time and it just was such a highlight of my life to have these two friends to laugh and share stuff with and hang out with on an almost weekly basis. I thought it was a friendship that would last through all of our life changes. We were pretty tight and then, something happened. One moved out of the city the other quit her job, one started a family the other started her own business. Now, no one can commit to even meeting for dinner once a year. I remember the day that I looked at my shelf and saw that I had pictures of my friends and me together and it hit me how long ago they were taken. So I took them down. I know that we all still care about one another, consider one another friends, but the reality is we don’t know each other anymore.

I know things change, people start having families and priorities shift, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel alone and feel like I have no one to confide in. I think about moving back home to Florida, not because I have a strong desire to sweat and complain about how flat everything is down there, or how suburban it all is, but because at least my family is there, people who know me. If I feel alone I could just hop in the car and go visit my mom, my uncle or one of my many cousins who are in my age range. While I love NY, I often look around and wonder what's keeping me here. I don't have anything or anyone here. Why should I stay?

Ok, I know it sounds like I’m having a pity party but I’m not. I hardly ever talk about how lonely I feel. I keep myself busy with concerts and blind dates and hanging out with my coworkers after work and reading in the park and that’s great. But is it unrealistic to want a best friend at my age? Is it unrealistic to want close friends who live locally and can come over?

If one of you tells me that I should find something on Meet Up, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

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