Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Something to say

I got this really nice email from a friend of mine and asked her if I could post it and my response. Sometimes I wonder if I'm freaking you guys out with all of the personal stuff I write in here. It's not something we talk about and I felt that part of my reply to her is something I wanted to say to y'all...
subject: something to say

Was going to talk to you last Sunday, but I never got the chance. Your blog really has shared a lot of things that most people try to hide and I really admire your ability to throw it out there. I don't feel right to comment on your public comments though.??? But, it's weird that I read everything and want to discuss it with you, but I've read it and the time never comes up that is appropriate to talk to you about it.

And is that something that you'd even want? Maybe you write to get it out there, but not really discuss it. I'm not sure. But you've inspired me to write myself. I've been writing for about a month and it's because your posts are very honest and emotional. I strangely feel closer to you (thinking that I know you better), but in some ways I don't think you know that? It's really a strange mechanism to communicate life experiences. But now, I find it to be such a useful tool to put shit down and figure a few things out about how I feel or deal with things. Anyways, I just wanted to say that you inspired me and that someday I'd love to talk about some of the things you write about if the appropriate moment arrives.

My reply:

Wow. This email is unexpected. Thank you!

I do wonder if my blog is too personal at times, too awkward for others to read. I imagine it could be awkward to respond to something personal. I do write with the knowledge that people read it, and I wouldn't put anything out there that I wasn't comfortable saying to someone face to face. I find it easier to articulate my thoughts when writing vs speaking. Plus, I like the self-discovery and the risk I face in sharing vulnerabilities. Ultimately, I get to know myself better and you and others get to come along for the ride!

If you want to talk to me about stuff I've written, you can; I'm open to it. It would be nice. Sometimes it feels like I'm speaking to an empty room. I know I have readers, and you sometimes reply via email and some of my friends do as well, but it's daunting to get in there and not see comments. But, I'm not doing this as a popularity contest or to become some famous blogger nor does the stuff I write necessarily lend itself to public commenting.

I understand the idea that you feel closer to me. I felt that way when I used to read my coworker's blog (from Scholastic) and she talked about all the dates she was going on. We weren't necessarily close and after reading all of her stuff, I felt I knew her really well but not vice versa. It was a weird feeling, like I had snuck into her room and read her diary.

OMG, another coworker from Scholastic also had a blog which he didn't invite me or another coworker to read, but we read it anyway (before he found out and actually changed the URL). Anyway, in there he talked about work and us and one time, about how in the bathrooms at work when someone in the ladies room flushed, the toilet he would be sitting on would actually move because everything was connected. That really freaked us out, because the same thing happened in the ladies room and now we knew that we could feel it whenever the other flushed. Creepy.


Anonymous said...

You may not be doing it for others to read or for a popularity contest, but if you've got readers, remember the words of Pliny the Elder: "True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read" So the glory is yours, whether you court it or not.
-The Fat Guy

Anonymous said...

I gotta ask. Are you in love with your blog? I am trying to get back to mine, but I still love it. I mean I reread it all the time. Do you do that? Do you find yourself reading it over and over and thinking it's a really good blog? There is something about rereading my own thoughts all over again and recreating the mood and mindframe I was in when I wrote it that is very addicting. Are you the same in that respect or am I just really self obsessed?
-The Fat Guy

vivzan said...

of course you'd quote a naval commander!

I'm not in love with my blog. I only re-read posts after I pub, to make sure they make sense, grammatically and to correct punctuations and errors. I have read and re-read stuff I wrote back in my teens and early twenties. My writing was much tighter back then.

I really liked your blog and miss your writing very much. I hope you can go back to it. I don't know if you realize how expressive, well written and funny it was. It was brilliant, really.