Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dragging out the old diaries

My friend bearclau wrote a great post about journaling and it got me thinking about my own history with it.

I got my first diary when I was eight. It's a red Nancy Drew diary with a lock. At that age, most of my entries were similar to these two gems:
March 8th
Ricki is stupid. He eats dodo and pea for lunch breakfast dinner
March 21st
Ricki is all the bad words in this whole universe!

I love how I couldn't spell. And hey, I remember Ricki to be a very nice kid and one of my best friends!

The second diary I got when I was eleven. I wrote in it sporadically and it goes up until 1989 (I focused mostly on stories, novels and poetry during that timeframe). This diary is mostly full of my seemingly neverending roster of crushes:
5/10/87 - Sun. 11:00pm
I'm supposed 2 be asleep. my dumb dog is barking and it's mom's day (mother's day). I'm writing a book which I plan to sell. ps I don't heart Jason anymore y'know. I'm attracted to Scott S. but I don't like him.
I have giant bubble handwriting throughout this diary. I also pasted in a movie ticket stub from the flick "Summer School", Edwin Jeans tags, and a Wham! sticker. So '80s.

After high school, I moved my diary to the computer and started calling it a journal. I thought it was great but then I realized that I would self-censor and edit my journals and it got really bad - bad enough that I read those entries and can see myself struggling with my feelings and sharing them. So I decided to go back to writing in a paper journal exclusively about two years ago. I wanted the physical experience of writing and not being able to immediately edit. Physically writing things down highlights the vulnerability I feel in sharing my feelings (even on paper) and I want to feel that strain and be conscious of it.

Bearclau wrote about wanting her journals to be a part of her legacy. Not sure if I want that for mine, at least not the "adult years." Mine are snippets, never daily entries, out of context and damning! It was fun to pull out my early diaries though. You know, I may be willing to read my teen diary and get mortified! Nahh, but I'd sure love to go hear someone read from theirs!

4 comments:

Chelc said...

You had a Little Twin Stars journal! I loved them!! I'm going to have to see if I can dig up my old journals now. I know there are some hilarious entries in there. Thanks for sharing yours! I think it's interesting we all have journals - I guess it's a logical step to blogs.

vivzan said...

Chelc - OMG Little Twin Stars!!! How did you remember that??? Weren't they obscure? Did you used to go to the Sanrio store?

Clau said...

My main reason for keeping my notes and journals is for when someday my daughter (?) or niece or some other pre-teen know-it-all exclaims "You know know what I'm going through! You don't understand!" I can whip out my old stuff and show her that I've been there, done that.

Chelc said...

Viv, I totally used to go to the Sanrio Store in SF! We'd get postcards in the mail for special free stuff periodically, so we'd convince our parents to go after some culturally-enhancing activity like the symphony or opera or something (we'd beg for McDonald's then too!). One year we even got our Easter baskets from there! I loved the Little Twin Stars (even used to know their names), as well as Tuxedo Sam!

Clau, you bring up a valid point. Hadn't thought about it that way before. I could see my daughter reading through my journals saying, you were dumb, mom! And I'd say, now you understand! Hahahaha!